My Dream

It’s eight o’clock in the morning now. Probably not in America because of the ten-hour time difference and time’s constancy. I woke up and started writing because I didn’t want to forget a dream I had. This does not go like most of my other dreams where really strange occurrences occur until a wakefully disturbing one wakes me up. One day I’ll tell you about these dreams. But today or this morning or tonight it’s time to tell you about my Jeopardy Dream.

I was in a Jeopardy studio during the filming of one game. When I woke up the first thing that struck me as odd was the appearance of the studio. You know things never strike you as odd in your dreams. Queen mum hitting a beer bong while on a surf board wearing blue glasses with fish on them and purple hair seems happenstance. I suppose through my living in Kyrgyzstan these ten months they changed the appearance of the studio, and not for the better. Instead of being the normal conservative blue (old ladies turn to it for comfort) the studio was now done up in red, orange and yellow with a gambling parlor/slot machine theme. It was extremely gaudy and I hated Alex Trebek for it. I just know he was the one who put the wheels in motion. I’m not sure who the first contestant (if that’s what they’re called) was, the one on the far right, because the announcer didn’t announce his name. The second was that guy with the annoying voice who stood alongside Dr. Drew on Loveline. On Loveline they answered questions from teenage callers on how to deal with their bothersome boyfriend and how to clean the years of semen from their sheets. The second contestant was the head of some not-for-profit (couldn’t they have come up with a better name?) institution. He had a long name and as his personal tidbit (what the contestants spew out after introduction) he said that his name was an anagram. Then he spelled his last name backwards and when he got to the end of his first name he got visibly frustrated (I saw steam rise from his head and his eyebrows drew toward each other in a visibly frustrated way) and spelled it forwards instead of backwards which doesn’t give an audience member the same effect. Thoroughly confused yet? That’s my job: to confuse the hell out of silly Americans. Boy, am I glad I’m not one!

After the introduction of contestants Alex asked the first question. I don’t know what category it was in but it was for two-hundred dollars. The question was: How much money is won on that show with Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Stein? The annoying guy buzzed in and said that it was a-multiple-of-ten amount of money and he knew that because he had been a contestant on the Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Stein show twice. To emphasize the “twice” he stepped from behind his podium and raised two fingers far in front of him to let deaf people watching know that something occurred with the number two associated with it. Of course he said all this to brag. Celebrities always do this. I hate celebrities. And then I woke up. Not a very exciting dream but with Queen Mum and an anagram-failure in a gambling parlor it certainly makes for an interesting one.


p.s. please ease my mind and tell me that the set of Jeopardy has not been changed to an annoying casino. If it has I will have to find Alex Trebek and give him a good talking to.