A Joke (or a series of strikingly similar jokes)

So listen up people! I made these jokes up all by my lonesome!*






So, Jim Morrison lost the key to his house one day so he tried to break in. The padlock snapped like a twig! Then Jim Morrison said, “Man! These padlocks sure suck! I’ve gotta go to Home Depo and get me some (bump, bump) Twentieth Century Locks!”






Jim Morrison was out at his lake house one day, just relaxin’ down by the water. All of a sudden one of his docks crumbled and fell into the water! Jim Morrison said, “Woah man! All my woods rotting! I gotta go and get me some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Docks!”






One day Jim Morrison was teaching his kids how to paint in kindergarden class. His kids were doin’ some really cool stuff that made Jim say, “Far Out Man!” But when they were done he noticed there was paint all over them! Man! I really gotta get me some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Smocks!”






Jim Morrison was cooking Chinese food one day when the pot he was cooking in was so gummed up with gunk he couldn’t hardly get a spoon through the food. Jim Morrison said, “Man! The pot is all clogged up with gunk and my Won Tons taste like crap! I gotta go get me some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Woks!”






Jim Morrison went into a clock store to look for a new clock. His old one was busted. “I gots ta know what time it is man!” Jim Morrison said. When he found a clock he kinda liked Jim said, “Well Man, It’s tick sounds like its brand new but this clock got ta get some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Tocks!”






(the PG version)
Jim Morrison wanted to get a rooster. His new clock idea just didn’t pan out. He went to a farm with a lot of chickens and asked the farmer if he could look at them. When he got close to the chickens Jim said, “Wow man! These things really stink!” Then he saw that all the chickens were moping around like sloths or something. “Man!” Jim said. “I can’t have roosters mopin’ around like that! I gotta have some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Cocks!”






Jim was walkin’ down the street one day when he passed a bunch of baseball players. They were dressed in far out clothes and were “with it”. Jim said, “Wow man! That’s not how I remember those sports freaks at all! I remember Babe Ruth and Willie Mays and all those guys! Those cats must be some real (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Jocks!”






Jim wanted to buy a gun, so he went to the gun store down the street. All the rifles, pistols, semi-automatics and even rocket launchers were outfitted with all the latest technology. They had laser sights, and anti-shock recoil mecanisms, special steel-alloy hydroxide tipped bullets and even the latest in ultra-light 9mm anti-refernicate holobiostealth technology! Jim was blown away! He said, “Woah man! These must be some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Glocks!”






Jim Morrison didn’t have anything to wear on his feet. He looked all around his house but everything he could find was either chewed up or had booze spilled on it. “Man! What a bummer!” Jim said. “I gotta get me some (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Socks!”






The post office called Jim Morrison and said he had a package. “Hey cool! A package for me? I wonder what it is?” Jim drove down to the post office as fast as he could in his beat up 87’ Volvo. When he got to the post office a big shiny package was waiting for him! “Wow man!” Jim said. “That must be a (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Box!”






Jim was walking down by the shore of his lake house one day. He was looking down at all the tired stones on the shore. “Man!” Jim said. “Somebody has got to wash these!” All of a sudden five shiny new stones washed to shore. Jim said, “Wow man! These are some real (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Rocks!”






Jim Morrison was sick in bed with itchy red dots all over his face. Jim called a doctor to come and see him. The doctor came in about an hour. When he looked at Jim he frowned and shook his head. “Yes Jim,” the doctor said. “I’m afraid you have a case of the (bump, bump) Twenteith Century Pox!”






* Copywrited by Taylor, don’t tell these jokes to anyone unless you give me props.