Equestrian Medicinal Techniques

I wish I could say that this is a poem or story or something else I’ve concocted out of my own imagination, but it’s not. This is, I’m a little reserved to say true as granny’s blue curls or something of the sort.

NOTE: If you’ve just eaten food or are in the process of shoveling snacks into your mouth I wouldn’t recommend reading this at the present time. Wait till your stomach is calm as glass because glass seems to be the calmest element there is out there. When your stomach feels like glass (because we can’t see our stomachs but our 4th grade biology books told us they were there) you may commence your reading.

The title to this blog has two nouns in it. I know it has two nouns in it because I have taught (and am still teaching) English to kids over here and you can’t teach English to kids without knowing what a noun is. Before I came to Kyrgyzstan I had a foggy idea what a noun was but wasn’t too sure. Just like nature vs. nurture or carnations vs. roses. That kind of thing.

If the title of this blog is true then one would have to assume someone actually practiced medicine on a horse which is not so out-of-the-ordinary. When our horses get sick we fix them up so then they work just fine. Nothing strange about that. You may also assume that my life is so boring over here in Kyrgyzstan that I would have to write about someone doctoring up a horse. Neither one is quite true. It is true that we had a sick horse and someone fixed it but it was the how that is so peculiar. It started this way: Temirlan said that they had a horse that was sick with little open wounds on its back. Oh that’s too bad I said. I hope he gets better. Now, if you think that what Temirlan would do is go to the veterinarian and get the horse some back-fixing medicine you’re right. But that wasn’t what he did. Instead he said, ‘Ya know what some great medicine for a horse is?’ I had to admit, I was not sure of equestrian medical techniques. He then explained that urine did wonders for healing a horse. I’m not sure of other barnyard animals, but after water or some other liquid goes through the human body it comes out chemically altered into the miracle cure for horses. To spare the reader as many gruesome details as possible, for this story as a whole is bound to make anyone squeamish, I will try my hardest to make the last few sentences as un-disgusting as possible. To continue with my story, I was picked as the pee’er and the horse was, of course, the pee’e. The rest is censored because of obscene language and fluid. The horse was skittish of my piss at first but after awhile it settled down and almost seemed to enjoy the shower it was getting.